I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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