Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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