I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
