i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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