Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
