The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
