Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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