Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
