Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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