My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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