she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Terrible idea I love it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
