Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
