Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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