walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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