i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
