do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
