things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
