Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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