if you like me you must not know who I am
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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