My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
my liver is dry heaving
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
