There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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