I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
