People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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