if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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