My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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