You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
