i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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