Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
