It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
