and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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