I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
