Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
