Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
