He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
