If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
