does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
