I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He passed out mid-signature
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
