remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
