Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
