dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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