sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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