That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So many bounce houses so little time
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
