and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
