3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
