Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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