all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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