can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
