I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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