I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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