Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
