We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
