shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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