Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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