Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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